Learn something. Make something. Share something. These are the only things ever worth doing. 

And, oh yeah. Tend. 

Inexplicably awake. Like I had coffee beans for dinner, only I didn't. 

Heavy heart. Spent all day fussing, ranting, allowing myself to become exasperated. Feeling defeated. 

I have some simple rules I can follow every day. Take meds, do push-ups. I have to add rules to govern my anger. It's harming those I love. And it's going to make my life shorter, and difficult to bear. 

I think my anger stems mostly from my feeling of helplessness, recognizing that events are not within my control.  This manifests itself in so many ways, and it is most acute when I am interacting with other people.  It's sort of ironic, and particularly shameful, that my most intense fits of anger occur with two very different sets of people: on one hand complete strangers, and on the other my family.  I cherish Katie and my children more than anything or anyone I have ever known, yet when I am angry they are no different from the texting driver, the pushy customer, the tailgater.  I cannot make them, any of them, behave as I see fit.  I cannot control them, and then I cannot control myself.

Yeah, well. 

Calm down and think.

Craziness is hard to deal with. I think of people as rational but this just isn't so, not always anyway.

I read about a man who was stabbed with scissors by a crazy person in Central Park by an insane vagrant with lifeless eyes who silently and indiscriminately slashed a dozen people before he was subdued.  The man was grateful he and his infant son survived, and he said that he believed that the world is broken, that we live in a broken world and things could have been so much worse, at least his son was all right.  I understand why people want to think of things this way, with a moral explanation, because at least then it makes some sense.  We could bear the horror of it all if we knew it had a reason behind it.  But so much of what happens lacks reason entirely, other than the laws of nature that dictate how objects behave when they collide.